शुक्रवार, सितंबर 03, 2004
it's that time of the year again...it's the annual The Home Depot & Publix Family Weekend! A fun time for the whole family! First, go to Publix and The Home Depot and stock up on stuff you don't need! Then, enjoy family time preparing for a storm that isn't coming! And, finally, sit back and watch a local televsision station (ABC, FOX, CBS, NBC, UPN, WB, TeleMiami, TeleFutura, TeleMundo, Galavision, HTN, or Univision...so many choices!) with 24 hour coverage of a hurricane...that isn't coming! Yahoo! What a fun filled time!
The Scene: A meeting room at a local South Florida television station
TV Producer: Hi everyone. Today we are plan on this year's annual The Home Depot & Publix Family Weekend event.
The Home Depot Man: We usually go for the first major storm of the season, but this year, we are going for the second. It can increase are revenue stream, especially since we scared people with the first.
Publix Man: Excellent!
TV Producer: Perfect guys. How should we cover it?
Publix Man: Convince people that if they don't have 2 gallons of water per person, per day, for two weeks, they will die of no water.
Sensible Guy: That's unrealistic. This isn't nuclear war, drinkable water will be easily accsessible after two days at the least.
Publix Man: More advertising revenue.
TV Producer: BRILLIANT!
The Home Depot Man: And convince people they need $600 generators. After all, if they don't, they won't have power for a long time. And convince them they need a lot of plywood. Like, a lot of plywood! Though not the cheap kind, the expensive kind!
Sensible Guy: Okay, plywood makes sense, but they don't need the expensive kind. Plywood is plywood. And generators? That is a waste of money.
The Home Depot Man: More adveritsing revnue.
TV Producer: BRILLIANT.
[a strange man walk in]
TV Producer: Sir, who are you?
Strange Man: Why, can't you tell?
TV Producer, The Home Depot Man, Publix Man [ALL]: No.
Strange Man: Well, I'm Gasoline Station Man!
TV Producer: Oh! We should have been able to tell with you oil slick suit.
Publix Man: Not funny.
TV Producer: I try.
The Home Depot Man: Why are you here?
Gasoline Station Man: Because I have a brilliant idea.
TV Producer: BRILLIANT!
Sensible Guy: Shut-up, TV Producer.
Publix Man: What's your idea?
Gasoline Station Man: Convince people that, for every car they have, they need a full tank of gasoline! See, if they don't have gasoline, we can make them think that gasoline will become some sort of rare and valuable energy source that will be highly valued in a post-hurricane world.
Sensible Man: Don't be a moron. The day after the storm passes, gasoline stations will be open selling gasoline.
Gasoline Station Man: More adveritsing revenue!
TV Producer: BRILLIANT! Any other ideas?
The Home Depot: Yes. I was talking to my friend at Lowes, a similar store to us that is only in northern parts of the state. He wants in on the action.
TV Producer: Why don't we have our newscaster make it feel like the storm is going to hit the WHOLE state! I mean, it will work! People all up and down, from the Keys to Jacksonville, will buy stuff. We know it's going to hit around Melbourne, but why bother telling that to anybody until the last minute.
TV Producer: BRILLIANT!
Sensible Guy: You know, you just responded to your own idea?
TV Producer: BRILLIANT!
[Scene Ends]
|
The Scene: A meeting room at a local South Florida television station
TV Producer: Hi everyone. Today we are plan on this year's annual The Home Depot & Publix Family Weekend event.
The Home Depot Man: We usually go for the first major storm of the season, but this year, we are going for the second. It can increase are revenue stream, especially since we scared people with the first.
Publix Man: Excellent!
TV Producer: Perfect guys. How should we cover it?
Publix Man: Convince people that if they don't have 2 gallons of water per person, per day, for two weeks, they will die of no water.
Sensible Guy: That's unrealistic. This isn't nuclear war, drinkable water will be easily accsessible after two days at the least.
Publix Man: More advertising revenue.
TV Producer: BRILLIANT!
The Home Depot Man: And convince people they need $600 generators. After all, if they don't, they won't have power for a long time. And convince them they need a lot of plywood. Like, a lot of plywood! Though not the cheap kind, the expensive kind!
Sensible Guy: Okay, plywood makes sense, but they don't need the expensive kind. Plywood is plywood. And generators? That is a waste of money.
The Home Depot Man: More adveritsing revnue.
TV Producer: BRILLIANT.
[a strange man walk in]
TV Producer: Sir, who are you?
Strange Man: Why, can't you tell?
TV Producer, The Home Depot Man, Publix Man [ALL]: No.
Strange Man: Well, I'm Gasoline Station Man!
TV Producer: Oh! We should have been able to tell with you oil slick suit.
Publix Man: Not funny.
TV Producer: I try.
The Home Depot Man: Why are you here?
Gasoline Station Man: Because I have a brilliant idea.
TV Producer: BRILLIANT!
Sensible Guy: Shut-up, TV Producer.
Publix Man: What's your idea?
Gasoline Station Man: Convince people that, for every car they have, they need a full tank of gasoline! See, if they don't have gasoline, we can make them think that gasoline will become some sort of rare and valuable energy source that will be highly valued in a post-hurricane world.
Sensible Man: Don't be a moron. The day after the storm passes, gasoline stations will be open selling gasoline.
Gasoline Station Man: More adveritsing revenue!
TV Producer: BRILLIANT! Any other ideas?
The Home Depot: Yes. I was talking to my friend at Lowes, a similar store to us that is only in northern parts of the state. He wants in on the action.
TV Producer: Why don't we have our newscaster make it feel like the storm is going to hit the WHOLE state! I mean, it will work! People all up and down, from the Keys to Jacksonville, will buy stuff. We know it's going to hit around Melbourne, but why bother telling that to anybody until the last minute.
TV Producer: BRILLIANT!
Sensible Guy: You know, you just responded to your own idea?
TV Producer: BRILLIANT!
[Scene Ends]
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